i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
