i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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