the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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