i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
