Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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