Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
