Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
