is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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