Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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