90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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