i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
