Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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