Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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