my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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