someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
