You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
