Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
