I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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