went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
