so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
