I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
