so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
