Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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