So drunk its hurt
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
