Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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