at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.