Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.

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  (773): Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem. http://tfl.nu/9i07
  Replies (30) Good night (5339) Bad night (953)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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  (651): nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent http://tfl.nu/r5vc
  Replies (44) Good night (1421) Bad night (2703)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

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  (936): Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy. http://tfl.nu/jygh
  Replies (15) Good night (6628) Bad night (802)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.

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  (512): boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above. http://tfl.nu/vdaw
  Replies (14) Good night (4725) Bad night (1103)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Leave Me Alone

  (573): View more from Missouri

  At least least me cry on your voice mail

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  (347): Leave Me Alone (573): At least least me cry on your voice mail http://tfl.nu/2wcv
  Replies (14) Good night (795) Bad night (4514)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.

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  (678): Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action. http://tfl.nu/m88z
  Replies (26) Good night (5694) Bad night (1858)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?

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  (603): Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night? http://tfl.nu/gcf5
  Replies (9) Good night (1740) Bad night (800)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?

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  (727): Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now? http://tfl.nu/ch6a
  Replies (11) Good night (791) Bad night (1524)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?

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  (804): No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail? http://tfl.nu/kg64
  Replies (5) Good night (1412) Bad night (832)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people

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  (610): At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people http://tfl.nu/kwkh
  Replies (2) Good night (589) Bad night (786)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.

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  (940): I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight. http://tfl.nu/7wi4
  Replies (5) Good night (695) Bad night (1107)
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  (562): View more from California

  Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.

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  (562): Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers. http://tfl.nu/434l
  Replies (2) Good night (950) Bad night (514)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Don't make emojis simulating eating me out

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  (913): Don't make emojis simulating eating me out http://tfl.nu/tdiy
  Replies (5) Good night (818) Bad night (455)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards

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  (563): Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards http://tfl.nu/qcuz
  Replies (3) Good night (1130) Bad night (381)
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  (818): View more from California

  Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business

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  (818): Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business http://tfl.nu/hoe8
  Replies (4) Good night (1328) Bad night (351)

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