MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?