Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.

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(317): View more from Indiana

So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.

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Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Read it at the TFLN blog
(702): View more from Nevada

It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...

(775): View more from Nevada

yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

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(630): View more from Illinois

She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.

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