We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
