I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake