God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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