wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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