I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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