Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
