i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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