maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
