Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My ass is underappreciated
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
