It's Friday. Sex?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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