careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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