So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
