I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
