You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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