the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.