You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
