They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.