he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing