pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
