The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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