why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
