I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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