i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
