I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
