you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
