Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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