totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can I color on your dick again?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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