yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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