john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life