My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS