I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.