Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.