So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
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update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.