the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
