I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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