she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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