literally had 100 drinks last night.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
