I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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