For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
