Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
