I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
