I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
